Asuna's Journal in SAO
by mistress-reebi
Summary: Asuna is typing into her journal and reflects on her life in game. Rated M because of drugs and swearing. I mean she has a potty mouth.


Entry #1:

So, I'm in some random video game (MMRPG to be precise) and if I die in this game I die in real life... Ya, that's not fucked up. Who the hell would come up with that concept? Hey let's trap a bunch of innocent people and make them fight monsters and battle and if they die then oh well. Let's fry their brain! That seems like a fitting death. Ya, sounds like a perfect idea. The creator isn't some sort of psychopath or anything. My eyes are rolling off of my face. They're back on now.

Anyways I'm stuck here and all I can do to survive is basically act like a whimp. I mean what the hell am I supposed to do? I have no clue how this game works I mean it's kinda a trail and error situation and the error is my life so... ya... I'm going to huddle in a corner and cry now.

I'm done crying. Fuck this. I'm going to fight the first floor boss. What effing choice do I have? I mean I kinda don't want to live here for the rest of my life. My parents are useless tools but you know, I have a life outside of these video games. Or at least I thought so. I also have that stash of weed in my room and I kinda need to get out of here as soon as possible otherwise my mom would kill me. She'd unplug this gear and laugh as I die. Maybe fire several bullets beforehand. So ya, I need to complete this game so they don't find out. I'm saying ya a lot. I think it's because I'm kinda nervous and that I'm trapped in a fucking game! Why the fuck did I decide to play this game? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I'm already starting to lose brain cells...

Well... On to my story...

So I went to that meeting on how we are going to defeat the first floor boss. I mean, we kinda need some sort of plan before we go in there. Our lives are literally at stake. The whole let's wing it and hold my beer while we do this isn't going to work. Luckily there was a hott guy sitting beside me I kinda shuffled towards him during so I could see his pretty face. I'm not a stalker or anything it's just when I see a hott guy I have to know what he is doing 24/7. I have to know where he lives and what time he comes home. Okay, I'm a stalker... I'd totally bang him. Can we fuck in this game? Why am I saying fuck so many times? Anyways, would I still be a virgin if I fuck him in this game? I mean it would mimic sexual pleasure but would my who-ha be still virgin? What about when I have my period? Would that happen in game? That would really suck being bleedy while trying to stay alive in the game. Do they sell tampons here? I hope I don't get PMS. I hope I don't get pregnant in this game. Man, that would really suck. How the hell would I tell my parents? What would I do with my weed. I guess I could give it to my baby daddy but that's not fair. What was I talking about? Oh ya, that hot guy I'm going to fuck I mean group up is going to meet with me in the morning. I should have banged him tonight...

So, I'm probably going to die tomorrow. Good luck to me...

I guess these would be my last words.

Wow, this journal entry is really crappy. I mean, I could die and all I have been typing down are how I want to fuck some random guy in this game and how I'm more worried about a stash of weed than people's lives here.

Well. I hope my parents don't read this.

Here goes nothing...

See ya?

* * *

Entry #2:

Well I'm alive... barely. So no one knew shit about how the boss fight was going to go so we just started attacking like one after another. That hott guy knew what the fuck he was talking about and went fucking Rambo on it. I mean he was like "fuck you boss" and the boss took his attacks as if he were his bitch. He could have raped the damn thing with no lube for all we know he was that fast. Like his reflexes are like ninja fast. Ninja on crack fast. Just watching him I think I had my first orgasm. So, he made a dick move and stole the main loot. He did deserve it but I kinda wanted that black trench coat. That asshole.

I put a locator on him so I can see where his every move is. Somehow he is still located in the town of beginnings going around in a circle with the same pattern day after day. Wait a minute, did he take it off and put it on an NPC! That douchefucker! He knew I put that on him and got rid of my party status so I wouldn't know where the bloody hell he is. Like, "I'll see you when I want to and screw your feelings." That asshole! I'm glad I didn't fuck him. I'd totally get outside this game go to his hospital room and cut off his balls if I wasn't fucking tapped in here! Fuck this game. I'm done. I'm going to just open some bakery or something and let that assfuck deal with this game.

Who am I kidding... I kicked fucking ass in that battle and the rest didn't know shit! I mean they just stood around swing their sword thinking they would do something. It's call you hit the enemy morons! My eyes are again rolling off my face... Dammit. I have to join some sort of guild or something so I can beat this game. I just want to get out. Fuck this game fuck that fucktard and fuck this life.

I'm probably going to run into him again...

I'll think of another way to cut off his balls in game. He's probably fucking some noob right now. I hope she gets into some surprise room with a bunch of monsters way higher than her level and dies right in front of him. I hope she gave him herpes. Can you get herpes in this game? Actually, I don't think so. Theoretically, you could have massive wild orgies and never get pregnant and STIs because it's all mental not physical. Heck, I heard there are some shrooms on the fifteenth floor that mimic real life shrooms. I mean, our bodies are taken care of. I bloody hope so. My parent's most likely were like "fuck you and your video games, we aren't sending you to a hospital you little brat." But I'm still alive. I think. Maybe I'm dead or maybe this is one fucked up dream. I could use some shrooms right about now. Bake some into my special brownies.


End file.
